A Day at Home

Sitting in the warm room,
Rain patters the cloudy glass
A symbol of the piercing cold beyond.
Warmth envelops me as I stare.
Cosiness covers my body and yet,
The sight before me chills my bones.
Amidst the comfort, I sneeze.
A snuffle, a sniffle while resting
In the hazy orange light.
I look out unto the night:

Dark now, a faint pittering of rain
Tells me what is happening beyond.
Miniature streams full of ambition
Run down the driveway together.
Pinpricks of light, street-lamps,
Or are they something else?
A dark form; the car just visible
And the sight seems to me so miserable.

The sickness ravages my head.
My throat burns
As my stomach churns.

The ethereal lights bring me back.
I gaze out the window
From my sheltered seat
Mystical, magical lights guide the way.
Brighten the road for the raindrops,
Showing them the way to freedom.
As I sit in hypnosis I shiver,
Imagining the coldness of the river.

Yet I am detached, removed.
In an obscure, sickness-ridden mind,
I want to be a glint of light
Among the millions, but I am held back.
My legs betray my demands,
My arms disobey and stay still.
As I sit in the warmth and heat,
The coldness is in here around my seat.


I wrote this poem a few years ago, at a time when I felt helpless about the world and my purpose in it. I saw other people doing incredible works for God and I was caught up in my own comfort and lack of responsibility. It was a form of paralysis. I recognised who God was but I wasn't able to do anything about it. I later realised that only God could do something about it, I just had to let Him. To succeed, I had to stop trying to by myself. To be free, I had to become a slave. To be victorious, I had to surrender. Which is what God made me do in the end.

So the paralysis didn't last, God moved me on. Shortly after that, I became involved in Limerick's Christian youth group, Awakenings. I'm now a youth worker on the team of leaders for it. But since then, I've become involved in a lot of different Christian activities. At this moment in time, I've been re-assessing a lot of stuff that's been on my mind. I've been stretching myself a bit thinly over the last two weeks but reading this poem reminded me of the magnitude of the commitment I've made and part of the reason why I made it. And why I'm going to keep running the race...